And this is why I drink

*Reposted from a year ago. Because you just can't make this stuff up.

Tuesday, October 25th: I arrive at work to discover that I cannot get into my office, because there are large computer boxes blocking my door. I am told by a member of my staff that the IT guy came by to install my new computer.

Confused, I respond, "Uh....I didn't ask for a new computer."
Staffer: "Right, but yours is old and apparently is on a list to be replaced."
Me: "But......I don't want a new computer."
Staffer laughs out loud.
I stare at her.
Staffer: "You didn't know this was happening? Really?"
Me: "No. Aw man, I just finished ripping all my music to that computer. I have three years of information that I'm going to have to back up in the next fifteen minutes."
Staffer: "Ew."

Shortly thereafter, I got my new computer, new monitor, new sound bar. It's all shiny and new, and truly, I am appreciative. I was frustrated that my old computer, which worked just fine, was being replaced, when the reference desk computer out on the floor (that takes a thousand years to even open a window) was not. Not only that, but they wouldn't even approve moving my perfectly good, old computer out on to the floor. Regardless, this is part of working for the government, and I get that. There's a system in place for everything. I guess.

Wednesay, October 26th: I have payroll, an updated emergency contact list, and an updated inclement weather plan all due by noon. I have the department schedule for the next two weeks due by 5, a system wide rotation for Sunday scheduling due by Monday, and a standing paperback order that is due by the 3rd. I am supposed to be leaving at 12:30 in order to avoid going over 40 hours for the week. Moving at breakneck speed, I sit down to slam into all of this, only to discover that my brand new computer is taking twice as long as my old one to do things like boot up and load simple programs. I also have a million files to sort through and find, since all the information that was on my old computer is now on my flash drive and in no kind of order.

I am frustrated, but trying to see the silver lining. I really do like my  new 20 inch monitor.

Thursday, October 27th: My printer, which is approximately the same age as Moses, has not been installed on my new computer. Turns out that the printer is so old that I cannot even download the drivers for it off the internet. I go to find the city purchaser, to tell him that I need a new printer, and discover that the IT guy that started all of this is sitting in the business administration offices. The following conversation occurs:

Me: "Just the person I've been looking for."
Him: "Awesome! What's going on?"
Me: "Do you happen to remember, two days ago, when you came down to install the new computer that I did not want, ask for, or need?"
Him: "I do."
Me: "I am not able to get my printer to work with it."
Him: "Oh yeah! I knew that."
Me: {stares at him with what must have looked like a combination of disbelief and I'm-about-to-rip-your-head-off}
Him: "Yeah, there are no drivers. So you'll need a new printer."
Me: "...................Right.................."
Him: "So you just need to submit a ticket to the help desk, then they'll send it over to me, and I'll be able to put in a request to get you a new one from there. Probably take no more than a few weeks."
Me: "...............................Wrong answer, Buford."

The moral of the story is that, for as many wonderful benefits as there are to working for the government (and I'm not even a little kidding, there are a lot of great things about it), governmental red tape is even redder and stickier than the normal kind. Somebody get me a beer. Or three.